Asking Eric: Wife feels ‘unusually hurt’ when husband watches TV series without her

DEAR ERIC: My husband of six months and I do pretty much everything together. I recommended we watch a Netflix series together, and we are both deeply engrossed.
The other night, I was tired from my workday, and he suggested I go to bed early. He mentioned finishing the latest episode, since it had just started. I said that sounded fine. I woke up over two hours later for a drink of water, and there he was, still up, five episodes past where we left off.
In fact, he had actually finished all of that season’s episodes.
I feel unusually hurt by this. I feel somehow duped. When I tried to explain it, he did apologize, but still, I feel truly hurt by this. It isn’t so much the act of sitting and watching a series, it was that we had a shared experience together and somehow it feels ruined. One of the reasons this time was important to me is that he has always stressed how “we do everything together” proudly.
Yet, he now says I am being petty, and making too big a deal of this and he even said that now he refuses to watch again. Can you help me figure out what is going on here?
– Tuned Out
DEAR TUNED OUT: Many couples have found themselves in clashes worthy of a “Grey’s Anatomy” subplot because of what I call “streaming cheating.” That’s where, as happened to you, one person sneaks ahead in the queue without the other person. It’s an epidemic.
And it’s, partially, because these streaming services are set up with the express purpose of tempting us to keep watching. It’s in the way the episodes start right after each other and even in the way that some shows always end on breathtaking cliffhangers. Your husband should have stuck to the agreement you made, yes, but we’re all at the mercy of the algorithm sometimes.
For the sake of your young marriage, chalk this up to a modern hiccup, rather than a sign of deeper trust issues. And have a conversation where you and your husband can clear the air, so that plans you make for future activities don’t keep dredging this one thing up. I hope that you’ll continue enjoying doing everything together, even if that “everything” occasionally means one of you re-watching an episode or two that one of your already saw.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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